Thoughts from the Homeland

Do you have a place you go to that renews you and puts you at ease? A place of comfort, that when the world is even slightly off-balance, it nurtures and challenges you to push yourself back into some perspective and self-gathering or self-determination?

For me, that place is sometimes geographically bound to my room in our home in Florida. Sometimes, it requires no geography, per se, but more so the minds and hearts of those who reared me to be who I am. Today, I have both.

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I chose to follow my heart in my current "day-job" but it is, honestly, a tiring and low-paying passion. My supervisor is leaving this passion behind full-time for these very reasons. She is an inspiration to me and while I found out a little over 24 hours ago, I'm still freaking out. [[HOW can I do this WITHOUT her???]

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I believe that we should always push ourselves to grow. Put ourselves in positions, experiences, programs, spaces that will allow us to build on ourselves and challenge ourselves to seek better in our lives and our local communities. I believe this is part of the process of change and justice -- this understanding on how to maneuver through what has happened and what should happen.

Then, there is the other kind of "grow." The one that society throws on you, a heightened responsibility attributed to your being due to age. This could be bills, relationships, parenthood, purchasing a home, marriage. You know. Those scary things, that some may consider to be the very institutions that oppress us or make us complicit in certain economic, social projects. (Eh, nothing wrong with a home, kids, or the R-word, though, if done accountably).

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Somehow, all of these are weighing on me. I began asking my father 1) how much should i save for taxes (oh, how a "marriage" would be good right now!) 2) how much should i have to buy a home (oh, how my current passion-profession will make this take years... YEARS!) 3) and how long will it take before i can afford to ... adopt.

I mean, I'm not yet a quarter of a century old and somehow, I ended up here! and here! and here!

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s l o w down. breathing in. perspective. living life with my heart, with a vision to do. seeking out the methods and tools in which to engage. gathering information, re-gathering self. it comes. breathing out. v-i-s-i-o-n-i-n-g anew.

Oh, all the changes...

I feel like everytime I write, I start with... "It's been awhile." But the truth is, it has.

Three months. And SO much has happened: A black president with a muslim middle name. Widespread homophobia. Defeating Parental Notification for the third time. Confusing voter choices for sure. Along with an economic "crisis" of vast proportions: $700,000 bailouts for banks (aka socialism for the rich), an increasing foreclosure rate, and the largest number of unemployed people in the U.S. for 25 years.

I myself have been scared several times that different family members would lose their jobs (though some fam's business have been down for a few years, so the "crisis" is not new for many people). And still, now with the entire country in crisis, there comes a stronger effect on those on the vulnerable fringes. And I see it through my work.

Yes, the other new thing, is, I have a job. Two jobs. But one, a teaching job, will end soon. The other, I wrap my head, heart, and soul around to process the daily injustices that take place and continue to disenfranchise those in our communities at the fringes. In the past month alone, our tenant's-related calls have been increasing - from evictions to section 8 inquiries and applications. And people have been calling at the worst stages of their eviction cases and habitability problems. One repeated lesson: tenant's laws suck major, but at least there is a Rent Stabilization Ordinance in place. In Miami, there aren't even basic tenant's protections. Each case is done case by case.

And, yet, Tuesday night, hundreds, thousands, perhaps millions of people were cheering for this man, figure, almost-icon. A historic moment indeed, for all those who closely and intimately recongize the racist and xenophobic policies and attitudes of exclusion in the U.S. For crying out loud, a BLACK man. Whose middle name, I emphasize, is Hussein. And more excitingly, Bush regime will be out soon, and no McCain to re-continue Bush's alarmingly harming anti-immigrant, surveillance-oriented, homophobic, sexist, and racist practices.

So what worries me: the sanctioning of hatred around explicit homophobia. That the SAME people voting for a "liberal" black man, also voted to ban equal rights for queer people. And while marriage offers a whole set of messy institutional concerns and histories rooted in patriarchy all in its own, there are definite ways that instituting Proposition 8 gets marked as a part of "protecting the family" from "the gays" (and not divorce?).

And what also worries me: the easy "buy-in" to Mr. President-Elect Obama (nice ring, eh). Yes, he has a charismatic smile, a pretty family, and magical oratorical skills that make me want to listen to him over and over and over again. (I mean, come on, he did caution the U.S. and all his campaigners that getting him elected is NOT the end. How magical that he challenged the masses of people that came out to continue to come out.) And yet, in some sense, I fear his words, "continue to come out," are a prophesy of sorts; a suggestion because he knows that he will not be able to do what "he" wants or what "we" want. He will have to do what the seat wants. The $$ that funds his seat. And we will see socialism for the rich repeat.

I'm excited for the blackness of Obama. I'm excited for the smartness of Michelle. I'm excited for the prospect of changes; other than that, Obama, I'm not so sure where you will take us in regards to immigration. What you will do to ban homophobia, racism, sexism, and hate? How will you disentangle our country's financial mess besides the $700 billion bail-outs?

I somehow think, the answer, will be, and should be, s t i l l u p t o u s.