Thoughts from the Homeland

Do you have a place you go to that renews you and puts you at ease? A place of comfort, that when the world is even slightly off-balance, it nurtures and challenges you to push yourself back into some perspective and self-gathering or self-determination?

For me, that place is sometimes geographically bound to my room in our home in Florida. Sometimes, it requires no geography, per se, but more so the minds and hearts of those who reared me to be who I am. Today, I have both.

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I chose to follow my heart in my current "day-job" but it is, honestly, a tiring and low-paying passion. My supervisor is leaving this passion behind full-time for these very reasons. She is an inspiration to me and while I found out a little over 24 hours ago, I'm still freaking out. [[HOW can I do this WITHOUT her???]

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I believe that we should always push ourselves to grow. Put ourselves in positions, experiences, programs, spaces that will allow us to build on ourselves and challenge ourselves to seek better in our lives and our local communities. I believe this is part of the process of change and justice -- this understanding on how to maneuver through what has happened and what should happen.

Then, there is the other kind of "grow." The one that society throws on you, a heightened responsibility attributed to your being due to age. This could be bills, relationships, parenthood, purchasing a home, marriage. You know. Those scary things, that some may consider to be the very institutions that oppress us or make us complicit in certain economic, social projects. (Eh, nothing wrong with a home, kids, or the R-word, though, if done accountably).

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Somehow, all of these are weighing on me. I began asking my father 1) how much should i save for taxes (oh, how a "marriage" would be good right now!) 2) how much should i have to buy a home (oh, how my current passion-profession will make this take years... YEARS!) 3) and how long will it take before i can afford to ... adopt.

I mean, I'm not yet a quarter of a century old and somehow, I ended up here! and here! and here!

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s l o w down. breathing in. perspective. living life with my heart, with a vision to do. seeking out the methods and tools in which to engage. gathering information, re-gathering self. it comes. breathing out. v-i-s-i-o-n-i-n-g anew.